apatowtheosis

though judd apatow's latest offering doesn't have the slapstick kitsch of The 40 Year Old Virgin, or the gen x ribaldry of Knocked Up, Funny People is the most incisive, naturalistic comedy of the past decade. a stellar cast headlined by a metered, transcendent performance by adam sandler who is mercurial and human.

those who felt it was too long aren't entirely wrong, but the running time-just over 2 hours- isn't excessive so much as the story is delivered in an unconventional way that drags at certain points. but this contributes to the film's raw realism. adam sandler makes you forget who he is. jonah hill delivers with his usual scene stealing antics. and just when you think they're done, the cast gets deeper and deeper. there is at least one WTF type cameo that will have you smiling to yourself for a minute. every character is painfully, woefully human. they oscillate between love, hate, egotism, and winsome sentimentality.

Cowboy Temple

I hesitate to sully this blog with original reporting, but after my recent trip to Dallas, TX, and taking a tour of the new, humongous and expensive Dallas Cowboys stadium I believe I have something worth breaking.

According to both my tour guides, who were official representatives of the Dallas Cowboys (they had Polo shirts to prove it), the open roof stadium was designed specifically so God can watch future Cowboys games. Our guide went as far as to practically anoint the Cowboys as the team of Jesus Christ, Savior and Redeemer. This was part of the official tour, which I paid some $15 for. I found it interesting that everyone who goes to church on Sundays is worshipping a Being that is actually at His home watching the NFL.

In light of this recent news, further investigation is required. Why aren’t the other teams sanctioned by the Creator? Let’s look at some teams and their respective reasons:

New Orleans Saints - This is tricky. Superficially, a team named the Saints should be anointed simply because of their name, they should be the most Saintly of all teams. But the city’s reputation for crime and corruption create real dissonance. That dissonance may have lead to Katrina. It’s just a theory. It’s probably wrong.

Miami Dolphins - Miami is the Las Vegas of the east coast. And if Las Vegas is Sin City, Miami is La Ciudad del Pecado. The Lord hears and understands all tongues, even if they are saying bad things.

Pittsburgh Steelers - Thou Shalt Not Steel.

Jacksonville Jaguars - Hasn’t heard of them

Buffalo Bills - 0 for 4 in Super Bowls? I don’t know why but He definitely hates this team. Doug Flutie, former BC quarterback and famous for a particular Hail Mary (TOUCHDOWN JESUS!) should rank high on any list of holy quarterbacks (still behind Kurt Warner, obviously) but he hasn’t quite done enough for this barren franchise playing in the tundra of New York State.

San Francisco 49ers - Castro District

Green Bay Packers - Most fans are farmers, this is good. However, cheese can never be worn on a head and remain kosher. The Packers, identifiable as much for their Cheesehead fans as anything, are really handicapped by this blatant disregard for the Holy Health Code.

Seattle Seahawks - This isn’t a real animal, which is extremely offensive

Detroit Lions - No one likes the Lions

We could go on, but I think it’s becoming pretty clear my tour guides were right on the ball.

Don't Shed A Tear

"Yo you better act quick because we're escaping to the mothership."

Actually we decided to do a "Craig Kilborn" and disappear for awhile, but hey at least we're not quitting like Sarah Palin.

shred the gnar.

If I Should Die Tonight

This song seems appropriate for the time.
Marvin Gaye - "If I Should Die Tonight"


p.s. that baby that survived the Yemen plane crash earlier this morning is one lucky ass kid.

michael jackson

monday night jam. at the risk of being redundant and obvious this monday night jam is a testament to the late king of pop. his personal history is one ultimately wrought with a sadness as vast in its scope as the joy that is contained in every measure of his music. still my lasting memories of mj will always be good ones; like being seven years old, driving home from virginia with my cousins singing along with "i'll be there" the first time i ever went on vacation away from my parents. and last saturday night, in a car full of those same cousins driving through the grimiest part of newark at 2am with our windows down, grown as hell, bumping p.y.t. and honking at the kids kicking it on the corner gracious enough to reward us with a dance.

here's a slept on mj hit from back in the day.
and here's some people dancing

Music for Today

Yo La Tengo - Today is the Day

sunday night jam

ohhhyessssirrrr....what's the 411(1992)

Sunday Night Jam

A triple threat type night for y'all.

First, we give you Thao Nguyen doing a performance of her song "Big Kids Table" that she did for a Parisian radio station:


Second, we have some Consequence and Kid Cudi doing a little twist on A Tribe Called Quest's "Buggin Out"


The final hit for the night was requested in the comments from last week, actually the only comment from last week. Whatever. It's a little country and a little slow but it might be my favourite Garth Brooks song even though he released it when he was pretending to be Chris Gaines, but "It Don't Matter To The Sun" kicks ass.

Dammit! It's not on youtube. Well if you ever get a chance to listen to it, do so. But don't bother listening to that Rosie Thomas cover. It's good but it ain't no Garth.

To make up for it here is Garth doing "More Than a Memory"

I Was Thinking What You Are Saying

Sometimes I love the guy and other times it's like he is talking jambalaya. This is one of those times I love him.

Maher is pretty spot on with his assesment of Obama: "Get out of the spotlight and do something! You're like Lindsay Lohan."

Obama has good intentions, but good intentions can be wasted without a good fight. To be fair, he has completed a lot of little task, but where are the big things? Why does it seem like he is just dancing around serious change? He is reminding me of that girl is high school that flirted like crazy, but never put out. This needs to change.

Take a gander:

Eff this Attorney

ESPN's Reilly reports on: Alfred G. Rava , who makes $ suing organizations like the Oakland A's for giving women (and only women) "floppy sun hats" as a Mother's Day game-day promotion to support breast cancer. Alfie considers this male-discrimination. It is also quite bankable - he just won a grip of cash. Although I cannot completely fault a man who games a judicial system that is somewhat easy to game, the fact that his mom died of breast cancer makes his practice particularly unsavory.

Alfred G. Rava - men can get breast cancer too. If I were your mammories I would be very afraid.

Good Morning

The creative studio Crush + Lovely has been going around different cities asking people a simple question. Their newest installment takes place in Brooklyn and the question asked is "Where would you like to wake up?" Simple enough. I'm sure you can draw some psychological inference from peoples answers. but who the eff cares. Just watch the vid cause you might just see something beautiful.

Fifty People, One Question: Brooklyn from Fifty People, One Question on Vimeo.

Dough!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8092942.stm

North Korea Ain't Scared of Nobody

If you pay attention to the news you might be aware of the two U.S. journalist, Euna Lee and Laura Ling (Lisa's sister), who were arrested/captured by Kim Jong Il's cronies. They were charged back in March for illegal entry, but their trial didn't start till last week. Well their scentence has come in and it is not good: 12 years hard labour. Shite!

Both were working for Current TV (Al Gore's little baby) and were doing a story on the China - North Korea border. It is unclear whether they actually crossed the border into N. Korea or if Il's people reached over and grabed them, but whatever happened has resulted into unfavourable circumstances; 12 years of unfavorable circumstances.

Just before the trial started people had a sense of optimism, believing that the two would recieve a little slap on the wrist because New Nuke City didn't want to have to deal with the public and political drama of this while also testing their nuclear program. However, things have gotten dicey with the U.S. and N. Korea with the U.S. threatening sanctions and N. Korea threatening to blow everything up. Hilary Clinton has even gotten all Santa Claus-y by threatening to add N. Korea back to the "Axis of Evil" list.

America prepare yourself for a real life Wag the Dog. Sergeant William Schumann meet Euna Lee and Laura Ling.
(source)

Sunday Night Jam

"I'm still sturdy and flirty till my derby in Jersey"

Naughty by Nature - Jamboree

what makes me happy right now

last sunday while channel surfing i stumbled upon 'Roy Orbison & Friends: Black and White'.

simply amazing.

first of all, roy orbison is ill. if this show was just roy on stage singing his songs i would have been more than content. however, roy's friends happen to be elvis costello, tom waits, bruce springsteen, bonnie raitt (who was fine btw) and k.d lang.
also, the production value on this show is noticeably high. it was filmed in 1987 (a year before roy's death) but aside from their eyewear, it looks like they made it in 2002.

i've posted my favorite performance of the set, 'sweet dreams baby'. really makes me smile. i mean, just look at the three 'backup' singers doin their thang. and the editing is so so smooth (for example, the cut to elvis at 2:31).

enjoy.

Hell Yea!!!

Tracy Morgan enjoying life.

Sunday Night Jam

"This fame thing, I don't get it."

R.E.M. - "E-Bow the Letter" ft. Thom Yorke

A great song written after Stipe's friend River Phoenix passed away. Yorke is covering Patti Smith's vocals and to be honest, he does a good job.
(the mic is off at the beginning but it's all good after the first little bit)

Brooke Langton

I have Swingers playing in the background as I get ready for the evening and I can't help but be reminded of how effing beautiful Brooke Langton was, and very possibly still is. The chick is a stunner, she's "money baby."

A Story About Toys

One year from now peace and happiness will be restored in the universe, if not the universe then at least in my soul.
Kik and I were just discussing the ability of Pixar movies to give you that good feeling inside. I kinda view them as 80's movies but in animated format. They have a simple but emotionally strong story line, add in a little action and some comedy and you get a solid movie. The sad part is that only Pixar movies are keeping the formula calculating. Tossing blame around is useless, but I do fault Tarrentino and Aronofsky.
Anyway, Pixar is bringing back Toy Story for a third go around and I'm excited.
Catch the preview:

Teachers Gone Awry

Reports are coming out of a female teacher in Queens that slept with her 14 year old student. For some reason I find these stories interesting, mostly because of Van Halen's infamous Hot for Teacher. To be honest all men as young lads have dreamed a dream that parlayed into a similar scenario, and no, we can't help it.

Anyway, while getting more info on the story I came across a website dedicated to teacher misdeeds and I must say, I feel queasy. Hearing one of these stories is sorta entertaining every few months, but after seeing the site and realizing that they have at least a new post everyday, I realize that something just ain't right.

If you want to you can go to badbadteacher.com and check it out yourself, but dude, it's not as cool as you think it might be... it's actually quite scary.

we all know that cory booker is an ill dude. but the new york mayor's transcendent swag has made its way to washington. for all its shortcomings, i've always loved the city of newark and the surrounding environs. i frequent tops diner (i know, it's in harrison), i went to rutgers, and the first time my car ever got broken into, it happened there. and i think its pretty clear that booker, despite his detractors, is the best thing about newark right now.

he breaks down race, politics, and celebrity here.

Awkward Family Photos

Who doesn't love them? Who hasn't experienced them?

Peep Awkward Family Photos, a hilarious collection of family portraits gone wrong. To make it even better, the site relies on reader-submitted photos, so feel free to share your pain with the world.

Check it out for yourself, tell em Kiki sent you.

In case you didn't already know how to...

Gillette has decided to release videos instructing you how to shave "down there", in addition to other body parts. Retarded? Sure. But effective marketing? Indeed.

Enjoy you hairy bastards.

R.I.P. Exodus Tyson

Just when things were starting to be on the up and up for Iron Mike (the recent critically acclaimed documentary, Tyson, as well as his hilarious cameo in The Hangover), tragedy has struck Tyson yet again.

Tyson's 4 year old daughter, Exodus, was pronounced dead late this morning after being in critical condition. She was found this morning by her 7 year old brother accidentally hanging from a treadmill by its power cable. Such a tragic, sad story. All our prayers go out to the Tyson family.

RIP Exodus.

Memorial Weekend

In honor of Memorial weekend we bring you a story of a retired soldier who not only saved a man's life yesterday, but also gave hundreds of people the gift of "time."

Lai Jiansheng is 66 years old and served in the Chinese military. Yesterday during his commute he came upon a traffic jam caused by a man threatening to jump of the Haizhu Bridge in Guangzhou. The would be suicide offender had recently lost nearly 2 million yen ($300,000) in a bad construction deal. After learning of the situation, Mr. Jiansheng offered his negotiating skills to the police, but they declined.

However, after waiting five hours for the situation to be resolved and the bridge to reopen, Mr. Jiansheng decide to take matters into his own hands. He broke past the police barricade, climbed out to the jumper, shook the dude's hand and then pushed him off the bridge.

No worries, the pushed survived because he landed on the air cushion that was set up below. Mr. Jiansheng's reasoning behind the push:

"I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish," the newspaper quoted Mr Lai as saying.

"Their action violates a lot of public interests. They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities' attention to their appeals."

I'm not sure if the jumper was making any appeals to the government, but I do agree with the fact that suicide is a selfish act when attempted by adults who are able to reason properly. Mr. Jiansheng did not attempt to kill the man, he only wanted to resolve a nuisance and save some people some time, and that is exactly what he accomplished. This Memorial weekend let us all try to be like Mr. Jiansheng by pushing the annoying things in life out of our way so we can free up time to focus on the important things in life.

source

Last Day Dream

Chris Milk's short film (42 seconds short) of the important things in life flashing before one's eyes. Rather awesome video.

The only good thing that has come from the Octomom...

Public Enemy #1

Just released is the new international trailer for Michael Mann's "Public Enemies" featuring Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, and Marion Cotillard. I may be biased because I am a big Michael Mann fan, save Miami Vice, but this movie looks dope.

Sunday Night Jam

Jay-Z - "Feelin It"

Obama calls out Michael Steele:

For those unaware of who Michael Steele is, he is the elected head of the Republican National Committee. Being black, he is the first African American head of the committee, and was elected shortly after Obama became President. For the past hundred days Mr. Steele has been working hard to keep stereotypes blaring with his unusual vernacular, that of a 70's pimp.

The complete opposite of Mr. Steele, President Obama, poked fun of the "jive"ster tonight at the Correspondents Dinner and also called out the only man dumb enough (Rush Limbaugh) to want Mr. Steele's job.

Watch:


Wanda Sykes also wanted in on the actions so she called Limbaugh by his actual name, a drugged-out treasonist:

Happy Mother's Day! from Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg, the Motherlovers

The guys who brought you "D*ck In A Box" are back with "Motherlover" featuring Susan Sarandon and Patricia Clarkson. (Saturday Night Live still isn't good, but at least this is entertaining.)

Watch:

Pick Of The Day

"Two babies compete in "Nakizumo," or "Crying Sumo." The Japanese contest consists of two babies being held by sumo wrestlers, who stare each other down until one of them cries."

Man, I love the Japanese.

photo and caption courtesy of these guys.

So long Scrubs

After eight seasons and a network switch, Scrubs is (possibly?) coming to an end tonight. (ABC 8pm ET)

J.D., Turk, Elliot, Carla, Dr. Cox (Millburn, NJ), The Janitor (Casey Galligan?), "This Guy" Bob Kelsoe, The Todd, Ted, and Jordan, are all signing off tonight after years of making me laugh with their quirkiness and almost cry with their moments of poignant revelations.

The one thing that I have always loved about the show is that it makes me happy after watching it. At no point have I ever felt like I wanted to switch lives with one of the characters, but I have felt the need to model my life after some of them. Bill Laurence, the creator, never glamorized the profession of being a doctor, rather he showed the struggles and nuances doctors go through, and therein lies the beauty of the show. Most of us do not deal with the high level of stress of having peoples lives in the palm of our hands on a daily basis, yet we can still find plenty to complain about. The characters on Scrubs never seem to complain. They seem to take life one day at a time enjoying their relationships with others and making the most of every situation. They have taught me to always find something to smile about and this has made all the difference in my life.

Thank you Scrubs for teaching me priceless lessons of life. Thank you God for reruns.

Good Morning, Megan

No words needed, just click on the link below to watch the ridiculously hot Megan Fox do her thing. Thank you Esquire, thank you.

Good Morning, Megan

Sunday Night Jam

Here's a little reminder to how hot Alicia Silverstone was (but to be honest, I have always preferred Liv):

Aerosmith - "Crazy"
yeeeeaaaaa!

pacman eats the hitman

Savage fight tonight. One-step closer to Pacqiao-Mayweather. That fight would easily be the fight of the decade and possibly the greatest welterweight matchup in history. Speed vs. Speed. Mayweather's trainer, uncle, Roger Mayweather has been dismissive of kuya Manny but it's hard to dismiss a second round knockout against a veteran like Hatton who seemed renewed after two convincing wins following what was then his lone loss against an undefeated Floyd "Money" Mayweather. You can argue that Pacquiao's been cleaning up Mayweather's sloppy seconds, but you can also argue that in both cases, Pacquiao's victories were more convincing. Either way, I cannot effing wait for 24-7 Mayweather-Pacquiao even though each of them has had like three apeice and even though it makes me sad to watch Freddie Roach get sick.

Hulu + Disney, This is kind of a big deal.

Mickey Mouse just inked a sweet little equity-owning deal with everybody's favorite late night friend, Hulu.com. This is great news for tv/online viewers because it gives us a one stop place to watch many of our favorite shows. With the inclusion of Disney, Hulu fans will have access to ABC, ESPN, Disney, plus others. Yes!, more Bachelor and Scrubs.

I thought the DVR was the greatest television invention ever, but hulu might give it a run for it's money. If I forget to record something, no worries, I can find it online. As Hulu grows I will only need to go to one place. This is the progress MLK was talking about. Now if we could only get the damn music companies to get with the times.

No Doubt

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

For a few reasons, this vid makes me happy.

I love a solid 70% of all the music that came from the 90's, most of it being alternative and a great deal of it being rap. I had always liked No Doubt, but by no means were they one of my favorite bands. This fact however doesn't not mean that I did not keep up with them (I always thought Gwen and Tony were gonna get hitched), nor does it mean that I did not buy their albums (I've got two.) They are as much a staple of a music era that shaped a large part of my existence, and for that I am grateful.

This morning No Doubt preformed for NBC's Summer Concert Series and three things stood out to me:

1. Gwen looks just as good or possibly better than she did 14 years ago. That is not a easy feat for a mother of two, and this has instantly caused me to alter my description of the future Mrs..

2. After 14 years the group has not lost their sound and energy and that is no easy feat.

3. It is only a matter of time until the Spin Doctors, Tonic, Blues Travelers, Bush, Dishwalla, STP, Soundgarden, Pumpkins, Better Than Ezra, RHCP, Gin Blossoms, and many many more come together to create the greatest summer tour of ALL TIME!

LONG LIVE THE 90's!

baby you the best, you the best i ever had: drake cakes and a little haterad

i remember when justin timberlake got that crucifix tat, dropped britney and then the justified album shortly thereafter. i remember the absence of trepidation when he got on stage with the clipse at the 02 vma's and how that pairing made me less embarrassed to have actually downloaded the last nsync album in its entirety. and somehow by transitive property, because clipse=gully, and clipse endorsed timbo, timbo=gully and i was ok for having surreptitiously left myself voicemails of myself singing "gone" to see what i sounded like. right?

which brings me to degrassi high. for a brief time in college, some friends and i would get together and watch degrassi high: the next generation. now for those of y'all who read this blog and, like me, are also heterosexual males and share my penchant for justin timberlake and degrassi high and are still reading this right now, i'm sure you remember jimmy, the wheel chair bound former basketball star. for those of you who read this blog, are heterosexual males, share my penchant for justin timberlake and degrassi high, are still reading this right now, remember jimmy...

let me start over.

you know how radio plays the same three songs all day over and over again with a brief pause in the middle for the old school at noon? here in jerz those three songs are "we like her too" by li'l wayne, "knock you down" by keri hilson, and "best i ever had" aka "you the f^ckin best" by drake.

who's drake you might ask? none other than jimmy from degrassi high. and somehow this fact eluded me even as i skimmed through all the "who's next?" posts (drake, charles hamilton, blu & exile, asher roth, cory gunz, etc. - answer is nobody) on boxden and realraptalk and their ilk. anyway, i'm not gonna lie, dude is kinda nice.

which leads me to my real question. i thought timbo's cross over was impressive, but how are you gonna cross over from a teen dramedy on nogin to doing tracks with li'l wayne and singing your own hooks, getting signed to hip hop since 1978 and whatnot? and you're canadian? i played it all wrong man. i never should've said no to that guest spot on "the parent hood." word to zaria.

here's the mp3.

Best I Ever Had - Drake

justin timberlake presents: the phone

in keeping with the great tradition of stealing my ideas, mtv's newest reality concoction the phone features girl-guy tandems competing to apprehend an unknown criminal. because nobody cares about anybody over the age of 24, most of the contestants are college kids, at least somewhat attractive, and racially ambiguous. still, the movie within a show steez is enough to keep it sufficiently interesting.

this week the plot of said "movie" involves a corporate conspiracy with deadly consequences.

every week, the subplot is the burgeoning relationship between the participants. the most satisfying twist in the show's 60 minutes is that any money accrued goes to only one member of the winning team, who then decides whether to reward their teammates hard work or walk away with the money. this week, joseph malloque is on the losing end and left in tears at the 50 yard line of Qwest Field having squandered the chance to help his obese brother get healthy (he does not elaborate). anyway, he got played by some broad whose explanation was that joey was practically a stranger and that there are two types of people in the world- those who return lost wallets and those who don't. and she don't. joey's brother may be obese casey whatever your last name is, but you madam are swoll with the acrid pus of human indifference.

twists and turns aside, the most alarming thing about this show is how comfortable these people are in front of the camera. has reality television become so ingrained in the cultural lexicon that everybody expects their fifteen minutes even when they come forthwith and without explanation?

the show is hosted not by justin timberlake himself, but a dubious european guy with an infinite supply of winter coats. and seattle figures in prominently, but in the least cool way imaginable.

1967 Ferrari 330 P4

Feast your eyes on a 1967 Ferrari 330 P4 which is being auctioned on May 17th during the Ferrari Leggenda e Passione event held at the Ferrari HQ in Maranello, Italy.

It's an original prototype, one of three ever built, and has been immaculately stored in a garage for 38 years. It has low mileage, runs like new, and had a brief career as a race car, including podium finishes at Le Mans and Monza. The car is said to be valued in the neighborhood of $15 million.

I think it'll make a nice addition to the Kiki collection...

DOPE.

British illustrator James Jarvis has released "Onwards," his first animation project in collaboration with Nike Running. This four minute video is guaranteed to have you smiling and may even inspire you to get off your tush and do something active.

Simply dope.


Onwards from AKQA on Vimeo.

FUNANIMALFACTS - A Preview from the World's Stupidest Blog

Photo Coutesy: RL Photo

Albino Squirrel
Fast facts

Order: Rodentia
Family: Sciuridae
Diet: Peanut M&Ms
Disposition: Melancholic
Status: Threatened

Recent national efforts to reduce landfill trash is threatening the habitat of the Albino Squirrel, long heralded as an ambassador of peace since the early 14th century when (FUN FACT!) Native American populations would release a white squirrel to signal surrender on the battlefield.
Comtinue reading about the albino squirell here...

Sunday Night Jam

The best song I have heard all year:

Dan Auerbach's "Whispered Words" (thanks Kiki)

The CD version is better, but I can't find it on the Tube.



Update: A little better Dan Auerbach - Whispered Words (Pretty Lies)

Shepard Smith Goes Crazy and gets it right

Shepard Smith, Roger Goodell's wife Jane Skinner, and the blond gal with the really big boobs are the only Fox News Channel people my mind can take. Today the Shep went off on this whole torture issue and if I was surrounded by a bunch of nincompoops who rather divide the country than use a lil commonsense, I would try to knock somebody out as well.

The fact is that the U.S. has never clearly defined what torture is and what it is not, but they did say that waterboarding, as well as some of the other acts recently committed on detainees, is torture. Now keep in mind that we as a country have declared that we don't torture and have made a national and international promise that we will not torture. Shoot, McCain the Maverick himself helped make it a law.

However, according to the memos that have been released by the current administration, the previous administration authorized torturous acts to be acted out on detainees held in military prisons such as Gitmo. Remember now that the majority of the detainees in these prisons have not actually been charged with a crime, so in other words we were torturing possible informants. Not only that, but the "informants" have been locked up for years. Try giving up info on a person or place you haven't seen since 2002. Not easy huh? Now try doing while getting your head smashed into a wall or playfully drowning. Just a lil bit harder. On The Wire, detectives gave infromants cash, the Bush admin gave possible informants lungs full of water.

Torture is illegal. The previous administration made it clear that they knew the legalities of it. Whether torture is effective or not can be debated till the cows come home, but the person who side stepped the law and authorized the use of torture needs to face the consequences. I truly believed that the Bush years would be viewed in a better light after some time, but it now looks like that will never happen. You did your daddy proud.

A $4 Hamburger!! Mickey D, You Crazy!

The beautiful taste of a perfectly cooked and condiment painted hamburger, stuffed in between a pillowy bun is unmatched. I was recently brought back to the goodness of a hamburger after avoiding them for the past few months. Never again will I go more than two weeks without one.

Today I enjoyed a Five Guy's double bacon cheese burger. A very good hamburger but not sure if it's really worth $6 bucks. While I ate it I kept thinking that I could be munching on six hamburgers from the Mickey D's dollar menu for the cost of my Five Guy's burger. Don't get me wrong, Five Guy burgers are really good, but maybe if they were a dollar cheaper they would be even better (this is a recession.)

Imagine how shocked I was when I came home and read the McDonald's now has a $4 hammy. I'm not sure if the American public can handle this. The dollar menu has been working out fine, but I guess Ronald wants a different class of friends. How about you ask the Yankee front office how their new friends are doing?

I will be trying this new hamburger, but dammit I won't like it.

All You Need To Know About Waterboarding

Journalist Mike Guy of Playboy made a bet that he could last 15 seconds of waterboarding. Didn't Christopher Hitchens teach you enough? Apparently not. Mike Guy lost his money.

Watch the vid and gain a little knowledge on the torture our government thought wasn't torture:

This is Bad

21 horses died today, shortly before their polo match in Wellington, FL..

Polo horses are not easy to train due to the constant directional changes as well as the fact horses rather not run into each other. A good polo horse will run you about $250,000 so losing a $250,000 horse that acted like a dog is a terrible loss.

As of now it is unclear what killed the 21 horses belonging to the Venezuelan-owned team Lechuza Polo. The Lechuza are considered the New York Yankees of Polo and were the favorites to win the U.S. Open polo match. I have always wondered what would happen to baseball is the Yankees lost half of their players in a tragic accident. Now I have an idea.

RIP Horses

Update: the pharmacy did it.

It's not too late to celebrate: 4/20

Donald Faison and his buddies tell a story about weed through the art of rapping. To be honest, it's the best music video in years. Rap is back.

Alien Weed from Donald Faison

Sunday Night Jam

This is my jam. Isley Brother were the ish and this has to be my fav of theirs. It's short, kinda lovey, and makes you wanna dance while you sing along. Try and top this Jonas Brothers. Eff you.

Isley Brothers - This Old Heart of Mine

Sit Down, Shut Up Debuts Tonight

The beloved creator of Arrested Development, Mitch Hurwitz will be debuting his new animated show on Fox tonight titled Sit Down, Shut Up.

The show is voiced by such lovable AD alums as Will Arnett (Gob Bluth), Jason Bateman (Michael Bluth), and Henry Winkler (Bluth family lawyer aka the Fonz from Happy Days).

Sit Down, Shut Up, according to the New York Times, is about "self-obsessed teachers of a high school where the students are mere obstacles." In addition to the collaborators on the show, the most intriguing detail for Kiki is the fact that the show combines animated characters with live-action backgrounds." Sounds dope.

Kiki will be tuning in tonight at 8:30PM and he hopes you will too.

Fowl Play: KFC Shows You They Grill

This week KFC rolled out a full scale massive campaign to provide healthy alternatives to their extra crispy and original artery cloggers. The verdict? Delicious.

The initiative is at least in part a response to mounting health concerns over American obesity which manifested itself in the institution of laws requiring fast food restaurants to disclose nutritional values on their menus late last year. According to a press release, the new bangers are about 70 to 180 calories and 4 to 9 grams of fat a piece, or about a third of the respective caloric and fat contents of a serving of original fried.

According to "The Chicago Tribune" all but 100 of KFC's 5000 plus locations are going to holler. Word to Roy Rogers though. Their chicken was the best with that grease all on the outside that you had to wipe off before you could even contemplate eating it and then those poorly made but inexplicably delicious-in-the-context-of-things french fries.

Record Store Day

I don't really mess with wallets anymore. The last time I had a wallet, it was an ill leather one that my grandfather had given me at the age of 7 with the hopes that I'd grow into it someday. Sadly, at age 20, it was stolen out of the glove compartment of my 1991 Toyota Celica. And with it, the only three pieces of plastic I'd seen fit to keep to that point; my driver's license, my ATM card, and my Buzzbin card from "The Wall." The point of this very muddled story: I wish I had a real record store to chill at while I was coming up in the world.

Some people still do, somehow, some way. I'm not sure how the little guy still manages to hack out a living in the age we live in, but I respect their swag and so should you.

Tomorrow is Record Store Day, a global movement that started out in 2007 to foster support for the indie record store, which is as much about music as it is about community. To prove it, many participating record stores are offering food, drinks, giveaways, and live performances.

From the website:

A Record Store Day participating store is defined as a physical retailer whose product line consists of at least 50% music retail, whose company is not publicly traded and whose ownership is at least 70% located in the state of operation. (In other words, we’re dealing with real, live, physical, indie record stores—not online retailers or corporate behemoths).

It's a global movement, peep the website for participating stores. Performers include, but are definitely not limited to:

Prefuse 73 and The Pains of Being Pure at Heart @ Other Music in NYC
Bouncing Souls @ Generation Records in NYC
Talib Kweli, DJ Premier, Sputnik Brown, and others @ Fat Beats
Queensryche @ Music Millenium in Portland
Youth Group @ Main Street Music in Philly
Gorilla Zoe @ Spin Street in Memphis
The Cannabinoids f/ Erykah Badu @ Good Records in Dallas
Silversun Pickups @ Rasputin Music and DVD's in Berkeley, CA
The Black Lips @ Zia Records in Tuscon, AZ
Ra Ra Riot @ Flat Black and Circular in East Lansing, MI


Check the website www.recordstoreday.com for more info.

Kentucky Grilled Chicken

Nuff said. Dropping in NYC today. More on this (and possibly a review) later.

How many times can you kill a person?

I've said it before and I say it again: If you eff with the innocence of a child, you deserve to die. If you knowingly and purposely take the life of another human being, you deserve to die.

The question now is: Can Melissa Huckaby die twice?

Huckaby (pictured above) was arraigned yesterday for the murder, rape and kidnapping of her daughters best friend, eight year-old Sandra Cantu. After disposing of the girls body in her personal suitcase and throwing it in a pond, Huckaby left the Cantu's searching, pleading and praying for their daughters safe return for 10 days. Not enough? Huckaby was also a Sunday school teacher. Talk about being the last person cops suspected.

Melissa Huckaby, EFF YOU!!

Tuesday LPs

Silversun Pickups (Swoon)
Trying to shed those Smashing Pumpkins comparisons with this their second LP release.

Medeski, Martin, & Wood (Radiolarians 2)
The second in a three part studio series.

Del the Funkee Homosapien (Funkman)
One of hip hop's most distinctive voices and it's free.

Bernie Williams(Moving Forward)
No, not that Bernie Williams. This Bernie Williams.

Mean Girl

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

It only took Lindsay Lohan a few days to put together this self-effacing eHarmony spoof regarding recent troubles stemming from a very public break up with Samantha Ronson. Not that funny, but I'd still hit it.

Damn Rednecks

And I really enjoyed Domino's thin crust pizza. No more, no more...

Sunday Night Jam

I was thinking about Shannon Hoon's ability to sing earlier today and remembered this song. enjoy.

Blind Melon - Change
(RIP Shannon)

Pick a side aready!

Mike Bloomberg, the guy above (and the guy i wanted to be prez), is running for a 3rd term as mayor of NYC. Fair enough.

After spending a ton of his own money to become mayor he decided to spend a few extra buck to extend the term limit to three. Whatever works.

What I can't figure out however, is why the hell do the political parties allow Bloomy to use them like the guys on my floor used Jenny "have at 'em" Jeffries freshman year of college? The dude was Republican, then went Democrat, then Republican again, then he threw us a curve ball and went Independent, and is now returning to the red corner.

The dude doesn't vote along party lines, he doesn't need the money, and his constituaents don't care what colour shirt he's wearing because the dude is a "no pants" liberal. If it's a ballot issue, i say change the damn ballots. You were able to change the term limits weren't you?

Eastbound and Down renewed for a second season

Yessssssssss. Kiki's favorite new show of the year has been renewed for a second season by HBO.

Eastbound and Down is a comedy starring Danny McBride as Kenny Powers, a washed-up Major League pitcher who moves back to his hometown in North Carolina. While pursuing his dreams of returning to the big leagues, he teaches PE at a local middle school.

If you don't know, you better find out.

Source: Variety

Kanye West on South Park

Kanye West is a Gay Fish.

POOP!

Poop!, based on the Spike Jonze flick, Where the Wild Things Are.

take a gander of the two trailers:
Poop!


Where The Wild Things Are

Yessssssss

Bruno. Trailer. Enjoy.

Couldn't have said it better myself...

Please check out the article from Gawker regarding the ludicrous media attention President Obama's gifts are getting. When did America develop chronic ADD and how can we fix it?

Obama Gives Queen Another Crappy Present - Gawker

Earth

Disney has been outmatched as of late by PIXAR and someone else, but this movie looks good.

I'm not much of a nature dude; i like gronola bars and trail mix, but i will not drive a suburu. However, a bird that can dance while making a happy face with it's feathers all in an effort to woo a lady bird makes me happy.

Earth, april 22nd:


i'm a lil tired so i'm gonna take a break for awhile.

Everybody Needs A Sister

according to researchers, happy people have sisters. I have two and I'm a happy person, so that proves it.

I'm not exactly sure why a sister would make a person happier as opposed to a brother though. I've always wished i had a brother to play more sports with and to wrestle with. I guess god rather me be happy than a pro athlete. I think i coulda done both.

Keira Knightly takes one for the team

domestic abuse is serious so here is a serious person to show you how serious it is

We All Have Worries

the whole premise to this this is stupid, but they sound pretty good and at least they're bringing awareness to a rising problem:

Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | More Video Clips

"Why you gotta be clown'n around?"

It has dawned on me that despite his talent, Lil Wayne looks like a clown. Tattoos are alright sometimes, but when you try telling a story with pictures on your face I begin to have a hard time following. Why aren't facial expressions enough? I feel sorry for his little kid who must think daddy's always sad. To each, their own.

April 1st, The Worst Day of the Year.

Today is the day everyone tries to be cute by attempting to make you believe in something that just isn't true. Not Fun.

I like to play pranks on others: pull a chair from underneath someone, slip a Viagra in their food, taser them while they are taking a shower, or even duck tape them to their bed while they sleep. All fun pranks.

What sucks is a day dedicated to pranks. When half the country is trying to trick you you don't know what to believe. This is scary. Who can you trust? I prefer to stay in on April 1st, if only to limit the trickery. Imagine getting pulled over by a cop today. What happens if it's not a cop, but a person playing an April Fools joke on you, but you pay the ticket anyway.

Last year I was buying a Slurpee, the guy at the register told me that it would be $100. Upon seeing the shock on my face the dude smiled and said "April Fools!" I put the Slurpee down and walked away.

This not my kinda day.

You have to run faster if you don't want to get bit.

Tiger Tiger Woods Y'all!

It only took him two competitions to shake off the rust, but baby he's now playing like a well oiled machine.

Entering the final day of his third tourney back from surgery and a baby girl, Tiger found himself five strokes back from the leader. 18 holes later, Tiger was the winner. Rahwww!

Sunday Afternoon Jam

Never too early...

Commercials

Everybody is coming out with new ads today.

Everyone dogged on Microsoft for their Seinfeld/Gates ads but I loved them (the cute girl uploading pictures was stellar as well.) Today they come out swinging against Apple and their ridiculous mark ups. It's not the coolest ad but at least Microsoft has wised up and realized that all consumers really care about is price.


Next up is Honda and their Insight. The Chinese had their opening ceremony at the Olympics and the Japanese one up them with their headlights. When will these two start to get along.


finally another car commercial. It came out a couple weeks ago, stars Andy Richter, and is damn clever.

This Sunday

This Sunday Lebron will battle Steve Kroft one-on-one on the only constants in my life, 60 Minutes.
To help garner some extra press so the show can continue the ride the ratings wave they've been on since August/September of last year, CBS has released a lil clip of Bron Bron playing Krofty like a 3 foot 7inch third grader.

Oh, Padma...

Between dating old ass dudes for their money and parading around as a refined chef & cookbook author, you've really outdone yourself this time schilling for Hardee's, a FAST FOOD CHAIN. Luckily, you're sexy as all hell and can pretty much get away with anything. I'm craving a burger...and something else...

Pharrell really likes him some Mickey Dee's...

"We can sing together but we can't talk together."

Meet Larry Williams:

Sunday Night Jam

The Virgins - Love is Colder than Death

Kiki endorses Michelle "First Lady" Obama

Here is the First Lady helping out with a groundbreaking event for a new kitchen garden being built at the White House and brought along some local elementary school kids.

Just look how cool she is. And she can handle a shovel. My kind of woman...

Year One trailer

Jack Black, Micheal Cera, David Cross, and Paul Rudd, in anther Apatow movie. Apatow really knows what he is doing because this actually looks funny.

R.I.P. Mrs. Richardson

The BBC is reporting that Liam Neeson's publicist has released a statement announcing the death of his wife, actress Natasha Richardson. Not only was she really pretty, but she was actually a really good actress (rent Asylum) and was said to be a great mum. She was 45.

I Am an A-Rod Fan

People need to stop bashing the dude, he is what he is.

Issue 1: He did steroids and he probably did them for a lot longer than the three years he claims.

Answer: Who the eff cares?! Have you seen an Arod homerun? Those things aren't barley getting over the fence, they are literal "A-Bombs from A-Rod." The dude averages 460 foot homers. The deepest part of a park, center field, is 408ft. Come'on. And the last time I checked the hardest part about hitting a baseball was making contact, and steroids can't help you with that. Actually there is more evidence that steroids can hurt your ability to get the bat head around fast enough to catch up to a 96mph fastball. If i wanted someone to teach me how to hit i would go to Barry Bonds. Sure steroids helped him turn some routine flyballs into homeruns, but damn that guy had one consistent deadly swing.

Issue 2: A-Rod is what wrong with baseball.

Answer: Who the hell are you? Have you ever watched a game of baseball. A Yankee - Red Sox game last 4 effing hours! thats whats wrong. Seriously though, baseball was on it's last leggs until McGwire and Sosa started tee'n off pitchers. Everyone was watching baseball then and we all knew that those guys vein's were pumping steroids faster than the Alaskan pipeline could pump oil. But wait! All of a sudden our morals woke up after a 1-1 game in the 7th inning and said, "steroids are bad for the game." Fair enough, you can change your mind, but don't forget that we breeded this thing.

Issue 3: A-Rod has no p.r. skills.

Answer: "Show me a hero and I'll write you a tragedy" - F. Scott Fitzgerald. Welcome to A-Rods world. Keep in mind we are talking about a guy who was a star athlete before he entered high school. This dude very likely skated through high school all while winning state championships in every sport possible. The dude had a full ride to quaterback for U of Miami back when U of Miami was still good. To add to that, rumor has it A-Rod was good enough to make the NBA out of high school, but he had to focus on only two sports so he dropped b-ball.
After high school he backed out of his deal with Miami after he was selected #1 overall in the baseball draft. You know what that means? No college. Say goodbye to thatspecial public realtions/speaking class that is tailored to college athletes and that they are all required to take.
Face it, no one has told this guy no in his life (except strippers ofcourse.) He gets what he wants and thats just how it is. His mom couldn't say no to him, he was the only man in the house and a future cash cow. He wife couldn't say no when he would find some piece of arse. How the hell is some dweeb from U of Michigan going to tell an uneducated A-Rod what to say and do?

Issue 4: He is no Jeter.

Answer: No one is. I just don't get people sometimes. Some guys have charisma, some don't. D.J. has starlets clawing for him and A-Rod pays for his or settles for 50 year old woman with crazy forearms. I don't care. I love baseball and I love the Yankees, but don't ever try to tell me Derek Jeter is a better player than Alex Rodriguez. You come to me with that ish and i will slap it back into your mouth. Yes Jeter does somethings better than A-Rod, but A-Rod didn't lie when he told GQ that Jeter will never be a #1 on any team. 50 years from now kids and historians a like will look at the numbers and it will be clearer than one of those windows in a windex commercials, A-Rod was the better player. Ever wonder why he makes more money? Bingo.

Conclusion: The media is always looking for someone to beat up and A-Rod is that guy. Ex. - media got on his case for saying how he wished Jose Reyes played for the Yanks. Oh no! that was a jab a Jeter. Well where was the media when Jeter said that he wished he played with David
Wright because he plays the game the right way? Eff the media. Yea he ain't perfect, and sure he lied to Katie Couric, but she has that face you just want to lie to.

A-Rod is just a guy who makes more money an at bat than the reporters who interview him after a game make in a year. If the Yanks win it all this year it will be inspite of him. If they don't, it will be all A-Rods fault. It is what it is.