baby you the best, you the best i ever had: drake cakes and a little haterad

i remember when justin timberlake got that crucifix tat, dropped britney and then the justified album shortly thereafter. i remember the absence of trepidation when he got on stage with the clipse at the 02 vma's and how that pairing made me less embarrassed to have actually downloaded the last nsync album in its entirety. and somehow by transitive property, because clipse=gully, and clipse endorsed timbo, timbo=gully and i was ok for having surreptitiously left myself voicemails of myself singing "gone" to see what i sounded like. right?

which brings me to degrassi high. for a brief time in college, some friends and i would get together and watch degrassi high: the next generation. now for those of y'all who read this blog and, like me, are also heterosexual males and share my penchant for justin timberlake and degrassi high and are still reading this right now, i'm sure you remember jimmy, the wheel chair bound former basketball star. for those of you who read this blog, are heterosexual males, share my penchant for justin timberlake and degrassi high, are still reading this right now, remember jimmy...

let me start over.

you know how radio plays the same three songs all day over and over again with a brief pause in the middle for the old school at noon? here in jerz those three songs are "we like her too" by li'l wayne, "knock you down" by keri hilson, and "best i ever had" aka "you the f^ckin best" by drake.

who's drake you might ask? none other than jimmy from degrassi high. and somehow this fact eluded me even as i skimmed through all the "who's next?" posts (drake, charles hamilton, blu & exile, asher roth, cory gunz, etc. - answer is nobody) on boxden and realraptalk and their ilk. anyway, i'm not gonna lie, dude is kinda nice.

which leads me to my real question. i thought timbo's cross over was impressive, but how are you gonna cross over from a teen dramedy on nogin to doing tracks with li'l wayne and singing your own hooks, getting signed to hip hop since 1978 and whatnot? and you're canadian? i played it all wrong man. i never should've said no to that guest spot on "the parent hood." word to zaria.

here's the mp3.

Best I Ever Had - Drake

justin timberlake presents: the phone

in keeping with the great tradition of stealing my ideas, mtv's newest reality concoction the phone features girl-guy tandems competing to apprehend an unknown criminal. because nobody cares about anybody over the age of 24, most of the contestants are college kids, at least somewhat attractive, and racially ambiguous. still, the movie within a show steez is enough to keep it sufficiently interesting.

this week the plot of said "movie" involves a corporate conspiracy with deadly consequences.

every week, the subplot is the burgeoning relationship between the participants. the most satisfying twist in the show's 60 minutes is that any money accrued goes to only one member of the winning team, who then decides whether to reward their teammates hard work or walk away with the money. this week, joseph malloque is on the losing end and left in tears at the 50 yard line of Qwest Field having squandered the chance to help his obese brother get healthy (he does not elaborate). anyway, he got played by some broad whose explanation was that joey was practically a stranger and that there are two types of people in the world- those who return lost wallets and those who don't. and she don't. joey's brother may be obese casey whatever your last name is, but you madam are swoll with the acrid pus of human indifference.

twists and turns aside, the most alarming thing about this show is how comfortable these people are in front of the camera. has reality television become so ingrained in the cultural lexicon that everybody expects their fifteen minutes even when they come forthwith and without explanation?

the show is hosted not by justin timberlake himself, but a dubious european guy with an infinite supply of winter coats. and seattle figures in prominently, but in the least cool way imaginable.

1967 Ferrari 330 P4

Feast your eyes on a 1967 Ferrari 330 P4 which is being auctioned on May 17th during the Ferrari Leggenda e Passione event held at the Ferrari HQ in Maranello, Italy.

It's an original prototype, one of three ever built, and has been immaculately stored in a garage for 38 years. It has low mileage, runs like new, and had a brief career as a race car, including podium finishes at Le Mans and Monza. The car is said to be valued in the neighborhood of $15 million.

I think it'll make a nice addition to the Kiki collection...

DOPE.

British illustrator James Jarvis has released "Onwards," his first animation project in collaboration with Nike Running. This four minute video is guaranteed to have you smiling and may even inspire you to get off your tush and do something active.

Simply dope.


Onwards from AKQA on Vimeo.

FUNANIMALFACTS - A Preview from the World's Stupidest Blog

Photo Coutesy: RL Photo

Albino Squirrel
Fast facts

Order: Rodentia
Family: Sciuridae
Diet: Peanut M&Ms
Disposition: Melancholic
Status: Threatened

Recent national efforts to reduce landfill trash is threatening the habitat of the Albino Squirrel, long heralded as an ambassador of peace since the early 14th century when (FUN FACT!) Native American populations would release a white squirrel to signal surrender on the battlefield.
Comtinue reading about the albino squirell here...

Sunday Night Jam

The best song I have heard all year:

Dan Auerbach's "Whispered Words" (thanks Kiki)

The CD version is better, but I can't find it on the Tube.



Update: A little better Dan Auerbach - Whispered Words (Pretty Lies)

Shepard Smith Goes Crazy and gets it right

Shepard Smith, Roger Goodell's wife Jane Skinner, and the blond gal with the really big boobs are the only Fox News Channel people my mind can take. Today the Shep went off on this whole torture issue and if I was surrounded by a bunch of nincompoops who rather divide the country than use a lil commonsense, I would try to knock somebody out as well.

The fact is that the U.S. has never clearly defined what torture is and what it is not, but they did say that waterboarding, as well as some of the other acts recently committed on detainees, is torture. Now keep in mind that we as a country have declared that we don't torture and have made a national and international promise that we will not torture. Shoot, McCain the Maverick himself helped make it a law.

However, according to the memos that have been released by the current administration, the previous administration authorized torturous acts to be acted out on detainees held in military prisons such as Gitmo. Remember now that the majority of the detainees in these prisons have not actually been charged with a crime, so in other words we were torturing possible informants. Not only that, but the "informants" have been locked up for years. Try giving up info on a person or place you haven't seen since 2002. Not easy huh? Now try doing while getting your head smashed into a wall or playfully drowning. Just a lil bit harder. On The Wire, detectives gave infromants cash, the Bush admin gave possible informants lungs full of water.

Torture is illegal. The previous administration made it clear that they knew the legalities of it. Whether torture is effective or not can be debated till the cows come home, but the person who side stepped the law and authorized the use of torture needs to face the consequences. I truly believed that the Bush years would be viewed in a better light after some time, but it now looks like that will never happen. You did your daddy proud.

A $4 Hamburger!! Mickey D, You Crazy!

The beautiful taste of a perfectly cooked and condiment painted hamburger, stuffed in between a pillowy bun is unmatched. I was recently brought back to the goodness of a hamburger after avoiding them for the past few months. Never again will I go more than two weeks without one.

Today I enjoyed a Five Guy's double bacon cheese burger. A very good hamburger but not sure if it's really worth $6 bucks. While I ate it I kept thinking that I could be munching on six hamburgers from the Mickey D's dollar menu for the cost of my Five Guy's burger. Don't get me wrong, Five Guy burgers are really good, but maybe if they were a dollar cheaper they would be even better (this is a recession.)

Imagine how shocked I was when I came home and read the McDonald's now has a $4 hammy. I'm not sure if the American public can handle this. The dollar menu has been working out fine, but I guess Ronald wants a different class of friends. How about you ask the Yankee front office how their new friends are doing?

I will be trying this new hamburger, but dammit I won't like it.

All You Need To Know About Waterboarding

Journalist Mike Guy of Playboy made a bet that he could last 15 seconds of waterboarding. Didn't Christopher Hitchens teach you enough? Apparently not. Mike Guy lost his money.

Watch the vid and gain a little knowledge on the torture our government thought wasn't torture:

This is Bad

21 horses died today, shortly before their polo match in Wellington, FL..

Polo horses are not easy to train due to the constant directional changes as well as the fact horses rather not run into each other. A good polo horse will run you about $250,000 so losing a $250,000 horse that acted like a dog is a terrible loss.

As of now it is unclear what killed the 21 horses belonging to the Venezuelan-owned team Lechuza Polo. The Lechuza are considered the New York Yankees of Polo and were the favorites to win the U.S. Open polo match. I have always wondered what would happen to baseball is the Yankees lost half of their players in a tragic accident. Now I have an idea.

RIP Horses

Update: the pharmacy did it.

It's not too late to celebrate: 4/20

Donald Faison and his buddies tell a story about weed through the art of rapping. To be honest, it's the best music video in years. Rap is back.

Alien Weed from Donald Faison

Sunday Night Jam

This is my jam. Isley Brother were the ish and this has to be my fav of theirs. It's short, kinda lovey, and makes you wanna dance while you sing along. Try and top this Jonas Brothers. Eff you.

Isley Brothers - This Old Heart of Mine

Sit Down, Shut Up Debuts Tonight

The beloved creator of Arrested Development, Mitch Hurwitz will be debuting his new animated show on Fox tonight titled Sit Down, Shut Up.

The show is voiced by such lovable AD alums as Will Arnett (Gob Bluth), Jason Bateman (Michael Bluth), and Henry Winkler (Bluth family lawyer aka the Fonz from Happy Days).

Sit Down, Shut Up, according to the New York Times, is about "self-obsessed teachers of a high school where the students are mere obstacles." In addition to the collaborators on the show, the most intriguing detail for Kiki is the fact that the show combines animated characters with live-action backgrounds." Sounds dope.

Kiki will be tuning in tonight at 8:30PM and he hopes you will too.

Fowl Play: KFC Shows You They Grill

This week KFC rolled out a full scale massive campaign to provide healthy alternatives to their extra crispy and original artery cloggers. The verdict? Delicious.

The initiative is at least in part a response to mounting health concerns over American obesity which manifested itself in the institution of laws requiring fast food restaurants to disclose nutritional values on their menus late last year. According to a press release, the new bangers are about 70 to 180 calories and 4 to 9 grams of fat a piece, or about a third of the respective caloric and fat contents of a serving of original fried.

According to "The Chicago Tribune" all but 100 of KFC's 5000 plus locations are going to holler. Word to Roy Rogers though. Their chicken was the best with that grease all on the outside that you had to wipe off before you could even contemplate eating it and then those poorly made but inexplicably delicious-in-the-context-of-things french fries.

Record Store Day

I don't really mess with wallets anymore. The last time I had a wallet, it was an ill leather one that my grandfather had given me at the age of 7 with the hopes that I'd grow into it someday. Sadly, at age 20, it was stolen out of the glove compartment of my 1991 Toyota Celica. And with it, the only three pieces of plastic I'd seen fit to keep to that point; my driver's license, my ATM card, and my Buzzbin card from "The Wall." The point of this very muddled story: I wish I had a real record store to chill at while I was coming up in the world.

Some people still do, somehow, some way. I'm not sure how the little guy still manages to hack out a living in the age we live in, but I respect their swag and so should you.

Tomorrow is Record Store Day, a global movement that started out in 2007 to foster support for the indie record store, which is as much about music as it is about community. To prove it, many participating record stores are offering food, drinks, giveaways, and live performances.

From the website:

A Record Store Day participating store is defined as a physical retailer whose product line consists of at least 50% music retail, whose company is not publicly traded and whose ownership is at least 70% located in the state of operation. (In other words, we’re dealing with real, live, physical, indie record stores—not online retailers or corporate behemoths).

It's a global movement, peep the website for participating stores. Performers include, but are definitely not limited to:

Prefuse 73 and The Pains of Being Pure at Heart @ Other Music in NYC
Bouncing Souls @ Generation Records in NYC
Talib Kweli, DJ Premier, Sputnik Brown, and others @ Fat Beats
Queensryche @ Music Millenium in Portland
Youth Group @ Main Street Music in Philly
Gorilla Zoe @ Spin Street in Memphis
The Cannabinoids f/ Erykah Badu @ Good Records in Dallas
Silversun Pickups @ Rasputin Music and DVD's in Berkeley, CA
The Black Lips @ Zia Records in Tuscon, AZ
Ra Ra Riot @ Flat Black and Circular in East Lansing, MI


Check the website www.recordstoreday.com for more info.

Kentucky Grilled Chicken

Nuff said. Dropping in NYC today. More on this (and possibly a review) later.

How many times can you kill a person?

I've said it before and I say it again: If you eff with the innocence of a child, you deserve to die. If you knowingly and purposely take the life of another human being, you deserve to die.

The question now is: Can Melissa Huckaby die twice?

Huckaby (pictured above) was arraigned yesterday for the murder, rape and kidnapping of her daughters best friend, eight year-old Sandra Cantu. After disposing of the girls body in her personal suitcase and throwing it in a pond, Huckaby left the Cantu's searching, pleading and praying for their daughters safe return for 10 days. Not enough? Huckaby was also a Sunday school teacher. Talk about being the last person cops suspected.

Melissa Huckaby, EFF YOU!!

Tuesday LPs

Silversun Pickups (Swoon)
Trying to shed those Smashing Pumpkins comparisons with this their second LP release.

Medeski, Martin, & Wood (Radiolarians 2)
The second in a three part studio series.

Del the Funkee Homosapien (Funkman)
One of hip hop's most distinctive voices and it's free.

Bernie Williams(Moving Forward)
No, not that Bernie Williams. This Bernie Williams.

Mean Girl

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

It only took Lindsay Lohan a few days to put together this self-effacing eHarmony spoof regarding recent troubles stemming from a very public break up with Samantha Ronson. Not that funny, but I'd still hit it.

Damn Rednecks

And I really enjoyed Domino's thin crust pizza. No more, no more...

Sunday Night Jam

I was thinking about Shannon Hoon's ability to sing earlier today and remembered this song. enjoy.

Blind Melon - Change
(RIP Shannon)

Pick a side aready!

Mike Bloomberg, the guy above (and the guy i wanted to be prez), is running for a 3rd term as mayor of NYC. Fair enough.

After spending a ton of his own money to become mayor he decided to spend a few extra buck to extend the term limit to three. Whatever works.

What I can't figure out however, is why the hell do the political parties allow Bloomy to use them like the guys on my floor used Jenny "have at 'em" Jeffries freshman year of college? The dude was Republican, then went Democrat, then Republican again, then he threw us a curve ball and went Independent, and is now returning to the red corner.

The dude doesn't vote along party lines, he doesn't need the money, and his constituaents don't care what colour shirt he's wearing because the dude is a "no pants" liberal. If it's a ballot issue, i say change the damn ballots. You were able to change the term limits weren't you?

Eastbound and Down renewed for a second season

Yessssssssss. Kiki's favorite new show of the year has been renewed for a second season by HBO.

Eastbound and Down is a comedy starring Danny McBride as Kenny Powers, a washed-up Major League pitcher who moves back to his hometown in North Carolina. While pursuing his dreams of returning to the big leagues, he teaches PE at a local middle school.

If you don't know, you better find out.

Source: Variety

Kanye West on South Park

Kanye West is a Gay Fish.

POOP!

Poop!, based on the Spike Jonze flick, Where the Wild Things Are.

take a gander of the two trailers:
Poop!


Where The Wild Things Are

Yessssssss

Bruno. Trailer. Enjoy.

Couldn't have said it better myself...

Please check out the article from Gawker regarding the ludicrous media attention President Obama's gifts are getting. When did America develop chronic ADD and how can we fix it?

Obama Gives Queen Another Crappy Present - Gawker

Earth

Disney has been outmatched as of late by PIXAR and someone else, but this movie looks good.

I'm not much of a nature dude; i like gronola bars and trail mix, but i will not drive a suburu. However, a bird that can dance while making a happy face with it's feathers all in an effort to woo a lady bird makes me happy.

Earth, april 22nd:


i'm a lil tired so i'm gonna take a break for awhile.

Everybody Needs A Sister

according to researchers, happy people have sisters. I have two and I'm a happy person, so that proves it.

I'm not exactly sure why a sister would make a person happier as opposed to a brother though. I've always wished i had a brother to play more sports with and to wrestle with. I guess god rather me be happy than a pro athlete. I think i coulda done both.

Keira Knightly takes one for the team

domestic abuse is serious so here is a serious person to show you how serious it is

We All Have Worries

the whole premise to this this is stupid, but they sound pretty good and at least they're bringing awareness to a rising problem:

Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | More Video Clips

"Why you gotta be clown'n around?"

It has dawned on me that despite his talent, Lil Wayne looks like a clown. Tattoos are alright sometimes, but when you try telling a story with pictures on your face I begin to have a hard time following. Why aren't facial expressions enough? I feel sorry for his little kid who must think daddy's always sad. To each, their own.

April 1st, The Worst Day of the Year.

Today is the day everyone tries to be cute by attempting to make you believe in something that just isn't true. Not Fun.

I like to play pranks on others: pull a chair from underneath someone, slip a Viagra in their food, taser them while they are taking a shower, or even duck tape them to their bed while they sleep. All fun pranks.

What sucks is a day dedicated to pranks. When half the country is trying to trick you you don't know what to believe. This is scary. Who can you trust? I prefer to stay in on April 1st, if only to limit the trickery. Imagine getting pulled over by a cop today. What happens if it's not a cop, but a person playing an April Fools joke on you, but you pay the ticket anyway.

Last year I was buying a Slurpee, the guy at the register told me that it would be $100. Upon seeing the shock on my face the dude smiled and said "April Fools!" I put the Slurpee down and walked away.

This not my kinda day.