First, check out Obama's campaign infomercial at 8PM tonight. He has purchased 30 minutes of NATIONAL airtime on CBS, NBC, FOX, Univision, MSNBC, BET, and TV One. Jay-Z might have to reconsider his swagger because it looks like Obama can't rock skinny jeans with knots that thick, sheitttt. My man raised $150M in one month! He should use the leftover dough to buy McCain a lifelong supply of WD-40 to grease up those immovable shoulders of his.
Secondly, peep Obama tonight on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart at 11PM. Get a good look at the man on his last visit to The Daily Show as a presidential candidate. Next time he's on, let's hope it will be as President of the United States of America. YES WE CAN!
Given that I'm a car lover, it's a shame I haven't posted any newsworthy items on automobiles. However, today I am making up for that. Below, check out pictures of the gorgeous Aston Martin One-77, which I can only dream of one day affording.
i've never been a fan of patrick ewing. but while i never cared much for his game, patrick ewing jr. following his father's legacy step-by-step from dc to msg appealed to my love of the 1990s.so it makes me sad that the knicks waived him today and he's gonna be heading down to some nbdl team to tangle with makhtar n'diaye and his ilk. heads are gonna roll in nyc and it's clear that your father being arguably the greatest player in the history of your franchise isn't enough to get the team to pay you the league minimum to give jamal crawford dap going into the commercial break. and yet having master p as your father is enough to grab you into a comparable seat on the usc basketball team. what's the world coming to?at least that whole like father like son thing was cool for the two months that it lasted. and good like to my dude in the d-league.
8 years after they came at you with the most quotable and soon thereafter most annoying ad campaign of the early 21st century (even mystikal got his in), the team that brought you budweiser's "wassup" are back with an only slightly exaggerated view of the dystopia that is post-Dubbya America. now i'm not some scary socialist technocrat or anything, but i am all about change. and on the real, we are less than a week away from doing the damn thang.
the dude was just trying to report on the finances and suggest ideas on how his country could improve, but I guess there is no clearer message that a lot needs to improve than things falling apart.
Our favourite real crazy man Tracy Morgan is giving interviews and saying funny things again:
Who’s the coolest politician the U.S. has ever had?
Tracy Morgan: Barack! Easily! Ain’t no other president had the crowd laughing and all that. Dude has charisma, he’s got the looks and he’s a cool dude—all the young girls want him! They all want to have his baby. Big pimpin’! No females want McCain, only his wife. Son is getting skin cut off his face and all kind of sh*t, man. You see how his arms look? He looks like Teddy Ruxpin.
You’re sober now, but you’ve had a history with alcohol. What’s the craziest thing that happened to you when you were drinking heavily?
Tracy Morgan: When I was wilding? I got kicked out of Prince’s house. The last time he won a Grammy, we went to the pre-Grammy party. Free booze all night. Prince had his band in the living room. Everybody left the house except for me and my boy. It was 6 o’clock, 7 o’clock in the morning, the sun was coming up, and we were still drinking. And Prince and his wife were at the door in their pajamas and said, “Come on, Tracy, you’ve got to go.” And I was gay for about five seconds because he’s a pretty motherf*er. If Prince was a woman, I would go down on him. All the way down. Swell his vagina lips up.
i can't get down with the tampa bay rays. they're young and cool and whatnot and dude's name is almost eva longoria and that's good for a chuckle. but-and feel free to call me cynical if you like- i don't want a cinderella story. because that glow that they're basking in might just be nuclear radiation. sports is owned by wall street. (what ever happend to wall street sports?)and now that wall street is tanking, it's only a matter of time...
even now, on the cusp of an acheivement that surpasses the Celtics, Rays owner and former Bear Stearns analyst andrew friedman is already looking forward to next year's dissolution of the once bedeviled rays. says friedman, in these tough times, the fans should not have unrealistic expecatations for next season given that the rays are having a tough enough time holding down the $40 million dollar payroll. unrealistic expecations? you just stood at the helm of the greatest single season turnaround in mlb history. i think you can cool out and just enjoy this one shining thing in your life for a second. once an analyst, always an analyst i guess. whatever that means.
honestly though- and as i write this, bryant gumble is ironically spouting out a little monologue likening sports to the dot-com bubble and the housing market- i wonder how sports will be impacted by all of this. a petty inquiry perhaps, but the fact of the matter is that sports has always managed to keep its head above the fray, outside of the problems of the real world. that's why we love it and why it becomes the subject of great scorn and intrigue when our sports figures step outside the lines and live actual, flawed lives. manny ramirez is about to catch $100-something mill over the next 6 years and the Dow Jones just dropped to its lowest level in the last six. it's only a matter of time before those ticket licensing fees at the new yankee stadium will mean the difference between a new car or a used car, or your kid getting braces.
oh, and the winner of game 1 (the phillies) goes on to win the series 67% of the time. Congrats rays.
-Complained that my DVR could only record 2 shows in the same time slot and not 3. -Felt as though it'd be more convenient if my microwave could cook a Hotpocket in less than 2 minutes (you know how irrational you get when you're hungry) -G0t annoyed with the 30 seconds it takes for my phone to download a picture text message....it's really the anticipation of seeing what kind of message necessitates a picture over text that makes me impatient. - Didn't have cash on me!
In the early 1980s, scientists experimented with breeding only the happiest animals, with the ultimate goal of domesticating crocodiles, vipers and similar predators. But when it comes to animals that are friendly, science will never match what mother nature has already breast fed: the wallaby. I'm not completely sure what a wallaby is (koala - kangaroo - platypus hybrid?; I've never seen one), but I sure want to give it a hug.
When mispronounced, wallaby actually rhymes with lullaby. Wallaby: G'day mate -- let's take a nap together sometime, in a mystical forest of snuggling. In the animal kingdom, few species elicit the sweet sounds of nurture that do the wallaby. Don't heed the propaganda Dr. Suess spews about brown barbaloots eating trufala fruits -- those damn barbaloots are an invasive species and a menace on the food chain. Wallabys on the other hand, don't hurt anything but the occasional leafy plant and rotting carcass.
Other friendly animals: - Plankton. Very underrated on most scales of intimacy. Fact: even an atypically shy plankton has about 3 trillion friends, something Tila Tequila's myspace can't even match. - Pepperoni. Whatever animal this comes from, you are friendly to my mouth. - Why do people always expect lists of three?
The friendliest animals need the most protection. The most innocent of the friendliest animals need even more. If we can't protect the innocent, then who can we protect? That's why we need to stop animal abortions, at least during the third trimester. The only candidate who has consistently stood up to this atrocity is Alan Keyes: the social conservative with a heart. If Keyes goes down, so do the Wallabys, and I can't have their soft, delicate fur soaked in blood and then have that bloody fur on my head. Vote for change, Keyes in '08.
So Obama gets the support of Gen. Powell and McCain gets the support of Al-Qaida. Only seems fair I guess.
On Al-Qaida's website, al-Hesbah, they left a nice little message throwing their support behind Sen. McCain, not because they like him but more so because they like to fight.
"If al-Qaida wants to exhaust the United States militarily and economy, "impetuous" Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain is the better choice because he is more likely to continue the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan."
According to reports, the Republican National Committee appears to have spent upwards of $150,000 on clothing and accessories for Sarah Palin and her family since she joined the ticket in late August. Palin reportedly spent approximately $50,000 at Saks Fifth Avenue, $75,000 at Neiman Marcus, $5,000 on hair and makeup, as well as other expenses for her loser, secessionist husband Todd and their unfortunately named baby, Trig.
I guess having a $150,000 shopping spree at "elitist" stores so she can look like a MILF really does reveal her connection to small town America (aka "the best parts of America").
And how could I forget about Troopergate? Palin will be giving a deposition on Friday in a second inquiry regarding her firing of the state's top public safety official. Yet another instance of her misuse of power.
Well folks, it's a sad day. The financial crisis has now spread so far that it has laid claim to our beloved American non-alcoholic beverage of choice. It appears as though the days of putting back cold Zimas while watching Lifetime in your footsie pajamas are long gone. Sad day, indeed.
(PS Peep the "Zimas" video link and watch for 3:13)
Steven Denlinger wrote a passionate article for the Huffington Post (Arianna is a hottie). He does a great job of summing up McCain and everything else. 5min read.
to start off the sunday night jam, we come at you hard.
Some say "Stairway to Heaven" is the greatest rock song ever. Truth is that it's not even Zeppelins best song.
"Since I've Been Loving You" is one of the few songs that can cause me to pull over to the side of the road, put down my windows, crank the volume, lean back my seat, close my eyes and feel.
1. Fat Amy Pohler is a better rapper than Kanye. And more relevant! Wahlberg was also on but failed to connect with the animals.
And The most logical reasoning during this entire presidential campaign was exerted Sunday morning during Meet the Press. You may disagree with Republican Gen. Colin Powell, but it is hard to argue against the man's rationale.
Andrew Lahde, the manager of Lahde Capital in SoCal, is walking away. He probably means nothing to you but he does represent a person coming to their senses.
Last year Lahde gained some fame when his fund achieved an 866% return. (The dude knows how to make bank)
Lahde now finds himself fighting an unnecessary battle between personal greed and peace of mind. He has chosen to walk away.
But before he left he wrote a telling letter to investors. It is well worth the read. Other things in life are way more important than money and fame, its just a shame that many of us to need to lose it all just to be able to realize it.
- john mccain is a bitter old man. watch his interview from tonight's letterman. much respect to dave for asking the hard hitting questions.
- the 2nd verse of weezy f. baby's track "dr. carter" is genius.
- conan o'brien's "in the year 2000" segment is one of the most consistently funny things i've ever seen.
- is it not crazy that air jordans from 1991 are still as relevant today, 17 years later, as they were back then? when i was SEVEN.
- sarah palin is one heartbeat away from the presidency...i don't know what keeps me up more at night, that thought or the fact that we are in our generation's great depression and i watch my money dwindle day by day.
- last night's episode of the office featured some ill ass babies. and we all know kiki yuhhhs the babies.
Wow, I forgot how young John Stewart used to look, clearly the stresses of reporting on the last 8 years under President Bush has taken its toll. I almost forgot he's been doing his show for damn near a decade.
Peep the 1st video below to see John Stewart's thoughts on the 3rd presidential debate in 2000 between Al Gore and Dubya (shout out to Wash U).
For vintage Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell, peep the 2nd video where they debate negative campaigning in their segment ingeniously titled "Even Stevphen."
Peep Beyonce shaking that fabulous donkey her mama gave her (and god bless Tina Knowles for that) in the video below for her new song "Single Ladies." Who knew one pieces could be so damn sexy?
hahahahaha! this is funny, kinda sad, but still funny. It's a video of a bunch of McCain supporters making their way to a McCain-Palin rally at Lehigh University who have no qualms voicing their opinions.
like most people, I think that The Office is one of the funniest shows on tv. Not as funny as Arrested Development was but funny none the less. Always Sunny in Philadelphia is aight.
back to the point.
I think I'm in love with Holly or Amy Ryan. Its all the same right? I think shes Aweesssommme (in a Kevin voice)
Because Christmas is in a few weeks, I'd like to share my feelings about gun control. You see, Christmas at my house doesn't begin until the clay pigeons come out. A lot of people dislike guns because they kill people. But so do bullets folks. If you want to legislate guns, you have to start legislating homicide, and that's a slippery slope my friends--a slippery slope indeed.
As for me, the debate starts where America started: on the frontier. I have some very close relatives, who on their own conscience, have decided to shun the commercials trappings of civility and live in the mountains. They eat meat. They don't kill for sport, but don't think for one second they couldn't. (As a side note: they hunt best a little buzzed, they're like the Joe Cockers of hunting). Anyway, last week one of my relatives who lives in the frontier with nothing to his name except a modified lean-two made from pine needles and the flannel on his back sent me a very interesting text. This text shared his frustration with the constant harassment from "rangers" for his gun permits.
This man can barely read the second amendment, and here he is supposed to know about licenses. He got fined for shooting a bear and finishing the job with a bayonet because he lacked the proper documentation! Unbelievable.
Gun control is making America safer, for the bears who want to kill us all. This is bad form.
I know what you are thinking: what can I do to make a difference? I suggest showing your support for my family this holiday season by supporting your own families, giving them semi-automatics--the perfect stocking stuffer. And may we all be safe with our guns. They are plenty of psychos out there.
about Vanity Fair, but i think its one of the few reliably good mags out there. In this months issue there is a killer article by the economist Joseph E. Stiglitz about what our options are and what we really need to do as a country to fix the economy properly.
It makes you wish that Obama and McCain would actually be honest about one thing, that it is going to be hard for the next few years and lowering taxes for anyone just isn't a wise decision. Bloomberg 2012!
(name that quote.) Ok so wall street died not too long ago, rip little buddy. The NYSE is apparently correlated to the success of the Yankees. Crazy mobs are forming at political functions. The country seems more divided than in recent years.
but...
we can always count on
CHEESECAKE you mother effer. I effing love cheesecake. if you haven't had a slice in awhile I suggest you do. The creamy goodness of the most righteous slice of your favourite kind is unmatched. The way it melts in your mouth and the flavor, the bloody flavor, how it takes you over and you get the cool shake all over your body. Plus the power of cheesecake has stopped wars and has been known to cure depression. So when your watching tonight's debate and you feel like, hell the sky IS falling, make sure you have that trusted slice of cheesecake at your side to cure those worries.
O.J. Simpson, infamously known for being unable to wear gloves, was found guilty late last night of armed robbery, kidnapping, and other lesser charges. He is being held without bail while his lawyers file for appeal.
We all kinda know that these were some trumped up charges but karma, 13 years to the day, is still a bitch. The man killed two innocent people and ruined the lives of many more (despite the good efforts of Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes), especially the lives of his and Nicole's children.
He now faces the possibility of life in prison.
It's kinda like mobsters, we know they do some effed up things, but sometimes the only way we can get them behind bars is on tax evasion.
The Express One of those feel good football movies, that might not be as good as Remember the Titans or Rudy, but good none the less. Ernie Jones is official.
Rachel Getting Married Sorry but we have to show some love to a fellow townie. Hathaway, you might not be getting married anytime soon, but you can in the pretend world.
so apparently, 2008 is an election year and a potentially historic one at that.
i've been working hard to come to an educated decision as to who i'd like to send to the white house and came across a very telling article in usa today race may be an issue for obama. apparently, white people harbor negative opinions of black people.
thanks for running that poll, usa today, and unearthing this latent cult of racism.
That was a damn good debate. Sarah Palin exceeded almost everyone's expectations (again, not hard to do). She was for the most part clear on her points (yet not really giving any substance) and was able to stick to the game plan she or someone else had set up. Republicans should be very pleased with her performance. Too bad it wasn't good enough mofo!
Joe Biden is the EFFING MAN! After the lukewarm Presidential debate I mentioned to those around me that it would have been great if Biden debated McCain because he would of thrown the punches Obama is either too scared to throw or incapable of throwing. He made it deathly clear where the democrats stand on the issues and threw fact after fact back in her face. Her only response: regurgitate her stance on other issues without actually answering anything.
At no time did Biden flinch. He attacked the issues that McCain stands upon and painted a beautiful picture of a McCain administration and I'll be damned, it looked like the Bush admin. Team Obama looks stronger than ever.
And you Gwen Ifill, I know that you were pushed in a corner, at no fault of your own, but you could have made sure they were staying on the issues. and answering the questions, but whatever.
*Actually scrap all that and just read this, because Josh Marshall explained it better than me.
One of Palin's many dubious responses in recent interviews:
"I know that John McCain will do that and I, as his vice president, families we are blessed with that vote of the American people and are elected to serve and are sworn in on January 20, that will be our top priority is to defend the American people." - from her interview with Charlie Gibson
Brace yourselves for what will definitely be an interesting debate.
May God help us all if the McCain/Palin ticket wins.
Kiki is officially launching Throwback Thursdays, where every week I will be blessing you with a gem from years past. For the inaugural edition, I present you, the readers, with a priceless gift: Redman on MTV Cribs (shout out to Jers!). It is by far one of the funniest pieces of video ever recorded and definitely the best cribs ever.
Damn, it'd be mad fun to hang out with him. When I figure out how to do that, I'll let y'all know. In the meantime, enjoy:
I would like to start with an apology: my post contains no photographs, Youtube links, or Woody Harrelson shout-outs. As these have quickly become a staple of the areyoueffingserious blog, perhaps I should consider them, but for now at least, I will abstain. I also have nothing to say for the time being of inconsequential matters such as the presidential election.
I would, however, like to question some of the statistics Blogspot is showing me. Fact: No one is following this blog. This statistical taunt is found in the upper right corner of our page. I find it disturbing that although multiple people have posted multiple items on this blog, not a single one of them (according to Blogspot) is following the blog. Since this is the second time I have been to areyoueffingserious, I would consider myself a follower of its content, yet Blogspot insists I am not. Here is a blog that is forced to endure a virtual slap in the face from its publisher, a publisher who purports to be our friend.
Now, Google can guide me to a dictionary but it can't make me believe its propaganda, which is clearly trying to change the definition of the word follower. What's next? I don't have an answer for that. But this much I do know: Woody Harrelson would never do that.
Don't let them change you Woody. Don't let them change you.
I apologize to all the non-Project Runway viewers out there, but dammit, I HATE this broad. She's a whiny, smug, rude, retarded 50's dressing piece of sh*t. The girl even gives attitude to Tim Gunn for pete's sake. I didn't even know it was humanly possible to be mean to that man. And to make matters worse, instead of actually making a decision last night, OF COURSE the judges decided to let all 4 remaining contestants create collections for NY Fashion Week.
It's official, I hate television (except for Mad Men, duh...speaking of, expect a Mad Men post at some point in the near future).
View the image below if you enjoy things that induce anger and vomit simultaneously.
If I had a million dollars and was forced to spend it on just one vehicle, I would be hard-pressed to spend it on anything other than a Jeep Grand Wagoneer.
One day baby, you will be mine... Oh stop it, you're giving me a woody...
Tonight Sarah Palin either exceeds expectations (should not be hard to do), or gets Lost in Transition.
Date: October 2, 2008 Time: 9pm eastern Channel: most of them Where: WashU in St. Lou (or in your tv) Host: Gwen Ifill Web: can't get to a tv, follow it on CNN, MSNBC, FOXNEWS
*Don't forget that tomorrow is the last day to register to vote if you have not done so.
In this world it seems as though some people help create problems and others help fix the problems that the idiots create.
For example: Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson occasionally have good intentions, but more times than not they eff things up for everyone. Their self-declared missions in life are to help create a place where we are all treated equally and can share those unalienable rights that are bestowed upon us all, despite the colour of our skin. Yet time after time they have taken the role of race-baiters; turning races against each other by always calling foul against the white man whenever a brother gets in trouble.
Now race has always been an issue in America, but things were real bad in the early 90's. There was the Rodney King beating and the subsequent L.A. riots. Gangster rap was scaring "white" suburbia let alone Tipper Gore and Michael Jackson didn't want to be "black" anymore. Lets face it, whites and blacks were really only friends till they were old enough to realize that they were "white" and "black."
Thats where Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson came in to save the day. In the movie White Men Can't Jump, they helped to show America that not only could whites and blacks be friends, but that they could also team up together to hustle the pants off of the stereotypical hustlers. Ever since the movie came out in 1992 it has been cool to pick the white dude hanging out at the courts and whites and black can maintain friendships well into adulthood.
However, the forces that be worked hard to test the powers of Mr. Snipes and Mr. Harrelson. In 1994 O.J. Simpson did what he did even though he still claims he didn't despite the fact that everyone knows he did. Anyway, this incident almost undid the selfless work of White Men Can't Jump, but Mr. Snipes and Mr. Harrelson were quick to action by making the movie Money Train. In the movie they upped the social graces by showing us that whites and blacks could be brothers! Jackson, Sharpton, this is where real difference is made.
So grab a friend of a different race, watch this clip, and thank whomever you worship for Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson. Gentlemen, we salute you!
We miss you, Thurgood. Please come back and kill us softly one more time. Now more than ever, we need a comedian who can be funny as all hell and still speak intelligently about the state of the country and the world at large. I recently watched Chris Rock's most recent HBO special, Kill The Messenger, whose mediocrity only made it more clear how much we need you to not only make us laugh by telling stories about babies in diapers selling weed in the projects but also about the presidential election, the state of the economy, the war in Iraq, racism....I'm sorry the corporate machine had to make you stop doing what it is you love to do most. But please come back, we've purified ourselves in the waters of Lake Minnetonka, I promise.
So apparently the International Gymnastics Committee closed their investigation on whether or not the Chinese female team had underage girls participating. The findings show no wrong doings committed by the 2008 team, but the 2000 team is still under investigation. If you watched what I watched you also know that this is pure B.S.. I have an 8 year old little cousin and she looks about the same age as half the girls on that team, same size and all. Whatever. (yo Alicia Sacramone! how you doin girl? hit me up sometime.) Though I'm sure it's easier to get away with it if you have a government protecting you and helping to falsify documents. Not that the Chinese would do that of course, maybe the U.S., but never the Chinese.
